The Mind of Jason

Archive for May, 2009

Knowing Someone vs Knowing ‘Things’ About Them

by on May.04, 2009, under Thoughts

 

Is there any difference between knowing someone and knowing ‘things’ about the person? What is the difference if there is one? Which is more important?

There is indeed a difference between the two. Many people overlook this very important difference. You can know a great deal of things about a person, their favorite color, their favorite food, their likes and dislikes, etc and still never know the person. It is important of course, to know these things about a person, at least a person that is close to you and important to you, but knowing the person themselves is much more important. To know things about a person is just that to know things about a person.

To know the person though, is to know their heart, their soul, their very essence. A person is so much more than just the sum of the things ‘about them.’ It is often said that the eyes are the window to the soul; I can tell you that this is true. I have at times looked into persons eyes and instantly known them. The very nature of who they are is clear.

Now, does this mean that every time you look into someone‚Äôs eyes you will know them? NO. More often than not, our vision becomes clouded, clouded by our own failures, shortcomings, our fears, our hatreds, etc. These things can make us see a person for who we want them to be. The times though when we truly know the person when we look into their eyes, we know it right away. Time stand still and everything of that persons’ essence comes racing forward, often times overwhelming us.

In my day-to-day life I have known this only once, when I looked into my friend Liz’s eyes. I saw everything of which she is, and knew her totally her entire being, laid bare and exposed to me. I came to know things I have never experienced with her. There is no doubt in my heart and soul that what I saw is true. I always called her ‘Lizzie Liz”, then one day when she was getting ready to leave our project, and we were welcoming her replacement on board our team, he asked her what people called her. She told him that people who do not know her call her Elizabeth, people that know her well call her Liz, and people that know her really well call her “Lizzie Liz.” She was looking at me and smiling when she said that. Therefore, yes I know her well. I know her from the times I looked into her eyes. I even told her that on a few occasions. There were times she tried to hide her hurt about one thing or another, and no one ever seemed to pick up on it except me. Those times when I looked in her eyes, I could see the pain and torment deep inside her heart and soul, even if on the outside she seemed perfectly okay.

When you know a persons’ heart and soul, you know the person they are. You see the light or darkness that dwells deep inside them. You know how much faith and belief you can put in them.

Now things about a person are generally superficial. They tell you what a person looks like on the outside, and what things they like, but give you little indication of who the person truly is. For me, knowing the inner person is much more important than anything else is. That is why when someone I know tells me I don’t know things about them I often chuckle and say you are right I don’t know a lot of things about you, but I do know you and that is what is more important to me.

Do not get me wrong, knowing things about a person are important too. They help us bring joy into their life, make them happier, and just generally help us interact with them; however, if we do not know the person as well, we will never be able to interact with that person sufficiently.

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The Five Things that have Touched My Life the Most

by on May.04, 2009, under Uncategorized

The reconnecting with old friends from college has made me start thinking about the things in my life that have had a profound impact on my life over the years. These are the things that touch you deeply in life, the things you remember for the rest of your life, the things that when you are feeling down and out that you look to help you get through those times. Many times the things are small things. The kind of things like a few words to let you know someone is there for you, that they care, etc. Other times it is a small gesture or a gift that means more than the person giving it realizes. The list really goes on and on.

Here is my list in no special order.

1. Two years ago, a friend of mine gave me a flower she made out of ribbon. It was shortly after my ex-wife and I had separated (at my request) and was around this time of year. I don’t think she could ever have imagined just how much that one simple thing would touch me and how deeply it would. Two years later I still have that flower at my desk a work. Times that I start getting stressed or depressed I look at it and it helps me more than anyone can ever realize. Of all the things I own, of all the gifts I have ever been given – big and small- it is my single most prized possession. The only way anyone will ever get it away from me is to pry it out of my cold dead hands. My guess is that it means more to me than it was ever meant too. I can’t tell you how many times I have cried and teared up over this simple gesture over the last two years.

2. Last year I was having some hard times. I was feeling invisible and like no one noticed me in life. This quote from the show House sums it up perfectly:

House episode 201
“Dr. Cameron: When a good person dies, there should be an impact on the world. Somebody should notice. Somebody should be upset.”

This is exactly what I wrote, minus a profaniy edit, in my journal at the time…

Well I do know one thing…no one will notice my death when the time comes. no one will notice or give a f***….

My friend vanya read that entry not long after. She had just three simple words for me: “I’ll notice” …when I read those three words I just broke down into tears. Those three little words meant everything to me. I do not think any three words have ever had such an amazing impact on my life. Even now remembering those words and that night, I cry all over again.

3. When I reconnected with my friend Joann her I found out that after all these years, she still has a picture I took of her. I never even imagined that she would still have it. It is hard to explain why, but it just makes me smile and touches me. I guess it is because I never did expect her to keep it.

4. OK, every now and then, the things that touch us are larger events, and that is what this one is. Back in college, I was being rather, well stupid. I was downstairs playing video games and had not taken my medicine for my seizures. Low and behold I started getting all the tell tale signs I was about to have one. Two thoughts crossed my mind. The first, ohhhh f***. The second was that I had to get upstairs because I knew my friend Steph was up there. I also knew that she was studying to be or was an EMT (I forget which – old age) and that if anyone in that building knew what to do and would not freak out that it would be her. Just as I got outside the radio station door where she was, I went down. Thankfully, she was still there. She looked after me until the ambulance came and made sure I was going to be ok. I think that it is obvious why that one has such an impact lol.

5. Well this last one I am going to keep somewhat general because to pick anyone person or event out of the group would be to do injustice to the others. These all relate to my current job. These people have given me a chance and believed in me when even I did not. When I started, when was hired, I was a complete unknown. I had no experience in the field or the position. It was the first chance that anyone had ever given me professionally. Today, people continue to trust in me and to help me grow and learn. There are just too many people and too many events to list. When someone takes a chance on you, when they believe in you – it has a huge impact on you.

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