The Mind of Jason


Talga Vassternich – Deserve Victory

by on Jul.09, 2012, under Thoughts

Wizard’s Eighth Rule
Chapter 61 Page # 626 US Hard Cover
“Talga Vassternich. Deserve Victory.”

OK, this is something I need to remember for myself. I need to remember that I do deserve victory in every aspect of my life. I need to remember that not everything that goes wrong is my fault and that just because something falls apart it does not mean that it is my failure and that others can fail too. It does not mean that I am never at fault, just that I am not ALWAYS at fault.

I need to remember that I am just as deserving of happiness and of being loved as anyone else. It really is funny, I often remind everyone else of these things. I try to show them that they deserve these things and that their mistakes do not make them failures and that it does not mean they are not worthy. I try to help them realize their own self-worth in one or more areas of their life when they lack it. I try to help them realize how much they have to offer others; however, when it comes to me, I deny the validity of these things and see myself as unworthy. How can I expect anyone else to believe these things if I don’t show them that I believe them myself? Does it no take away from my message,  if I do not live them?

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“What Archangel are You” Quiz

by on Jul.09, 2012, under Reflections, Thoughts

I took this back in November 2008.

I like to take some of these “silly” quizzes you find online. This one is which Archangel are you? After answering the questions this is what mine came back as:

You are Michael, Archangel of the South. You are the only angel identified as an archangel in the New Testament Bible, the strong and brave leader of all other archangels. In the Christian faith, you are best known for wielding a sword and conquering the serpent during the battle in Heaven (Revelation 12:7-12); in the Jewish faith, you are best known as the patron of Israel. Courageous, authoritative, and fearless, you are passionate about protecting others and helping them overcome temptation. Those who seek constant vigilance and encouragement to follow laws look to you as their patron. You share an archangel feast day with Gabriel and Raphael on September 29.

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Random Daily Thought

by on May.25, 2012, under Thoughts

so today I was wondering…

  1. When performing an exorcism is it required that it be conducted in Latin or can it be done in the local language? how important is pronunciation if it is done in Latin?
  2. Is it necessary for the person performing the exorcism to believe in God or can any bozo do it as long as they read it right? (thinking of Dean from supernatural. He has expressed his dislike for and lack of belief in angels and God on more than one occasion, yet he can still successfully perform one)
  3. Do you need to have faith that the exorcism will actually work?
  4. Does the faith the demon is associated with have to match up with the faith of the exorcism/exorcist? (e.g. If the demon is from Zoroastrianism and you try to use a Christian exorcism, will it work?)
  5. Have I finally lost the plot?
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A Heart’s Journey

by on Apr.20, 2011, under Life and Death, Thoughts

During our lifetimes we go through many stages of development as we continue to grow and learn. No matter how much we develop, no matter how many changes we make to our image and to our life, the core of whom we are never changes. There are basic things about ourselves that never change no matter what happens in this world. These are the things that are at the very basis of whom we are in this world.

These things can’t change because they are the very basis of our identity. We can try to change these things, we can convince ourselves that we have changed them but at the most we are tricking and lying to ourselves. Just like a person having a sex change operation changes their physical characteristics, biologically they have not changed anything. They still have either two ‘X’ chromosomes or one ‘X’ and one ‘Y’ chromosome, that basic biological fact has not changed. In those cases we are actively trying to change who and what we are.

While these things define who we are on a biological level, they do not define our identity, even when we change our gender, we do not change who we are as a person. The identity is not our physical characteristics, we can grow our hair long or cut it short, we can change the color of our hair, but we do not change who we are as a person. The things that make up our identity relates to things more like our moral values and our nature.

When we try to go against our moral values, when we try to act against our nature, we without doubt run into problems. We will enter a state of turmoil, conflict and depression. We will lash out at the smallest of things, we will withdraw into ourselves and hide from everyone. Not all these things will happen to everyone, or even to the same degree but they will happen without doubt and our life will turn into chaos.

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Knowing Someone vs Knowing ‘Things’ About Them

by on May.04, 2009, under Thoughts


Is there any difference between knowing someone and knowing ‘things’ about the person? What is the difference if there is one? Which is more important?

There is indeed a difference between the two. Many people overlook this very important difference. You can know a great deal of things about a person, their favorite color, their favorite food, their likes and dislikes, etc and still never know the person. It is important of course, to know these things about a person, at least a person that is close to you and important to you, but knowing the person themselves is much more important. To know things about a person is just that to know things about a person.

To know the person though, is to know their heart, their soul, their very essence. A person is so much more than just the sum of the things ‘about them.’ It is often said that the eyes are the window to the soul; I can tell you that this is true. I have at times looked into persons eyes and instantly known them. The very nature of who they are is clear.

Now, does this mean that every time you look into someone’s eyes you will know them? NO. More often than not, our vision becomes clouded, clouded by our own failures, shortcomings, our fears, our hatreds, etc. These things can make us see a person for who we want them to be. The times though when we truly know the person when we look into their eyes, we know it right away. Time stand still and everything of that persons’ essence comes racing forward, often times overwhelming us.

In my day-to-day life I have known this only once, when I looked into my friend Liz’s eyes. I saw everything of which she is, and knew her totally her entire being, laid bare and exposed to me. I came to know things I have never experienced with her. There is no doubt in my heart and soul that what I saw is true. I always called her ‘Lizzie Liz”, then one day when she was getting ready to leave our project, and we were welcoming her replacement on board our team, he asked her what people called her. She told him that people who do not know her call her Elizabeth, people that know her well call her Liz, and people that know her really well call her “Lizzie Liz.” She was looking at me and smiling when she said that. Therefore, yes I know her well. I know her from the times I looked into her eyes. I even told her that on a few occasions. There were times she tried to hide her hurt about one thing or another, and no one ever seemed to pick up on it except me. Those times when I looked in her eyes, I could see the pain and torment deep inside her heart and soul, even if on the outside she seemed perfectly okay.

When you know a persons’ heart and soul, you know the person they are. You see the light or darkness that dwells deep inside them. You know how much faith and belief you can put in them.

Now things about a person are generally superficial. They tell you what a person looks like on the outside, and what things they like, but give you little indication of who the person truly is. For me, knowing the inner person is much more important than anything else is. That is why when someone I know tells me I don’t know things about them I often chuckle and say you are right I don’t know a lot of things about you, but I do know you and that is what is more important to me.

Do not get me wrong, knowing things about a person are important too. They help us bring joy into their life, make them happier, and just generally help us interact with them; however, if we do not know the person as well, we will never be able to interact with that person sufficiently.

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Life and How I Approach It

by on Apr.29, 2009, under Life and Death, Thoughts

All my life I have had to rely on ‘out thinking’ any opponents, using strategy and tactics rather than brute force. Why? Look at me; I am short, out of shape and over-weight. In a fight if I went toe to toe, I would get my ass whipped; however, physical fights are not the only place I rely on my intelligence. I use it in all aspects of life.

I try to stay a few steps ahead of everyone else. It keeps them off balance in some cases. We go back to ‘The Dance with Death’ where it reads: ‘cut from the void, not bewilderment. Stay a step ahead, catch them off guard and you have an advantage.

This is not just a physical tactic, but it can be psychological. Stay ahead of the person and you control how things play out. You can seize the mind, nudge it to where you want to take it. You can use it to keep a person off guard, have them looking the wrong way, then come from another direction.

Do it right and you own the mind. Once you are in their mind they are yours. At that point, you can bring euphoria or pain to the person. Once you are there, it allows control of one’s emotions. They think what you want them too. They feel what you want them too.

The other path for me is to get control directly of one’s emotions. Know what inspires what feelings, and then use that knowledge to bring about what you want. This is usually long term. You need to watch and listen. Take in everything, every visual cue, every inflection in the voice.

Emotions and thought patterns are so powerful. You can gain total control of a person with these two things and bend them anyway, you want. You can elevate them, enrich them, or you can destroy them. It can be very dangerous at times. It can bring a lot of pain and harm. Or it can bring about euphoria. Usually it is intent that decides which it is, but carelessness and lack of understanding are key factors too.
Lead the dance; do not let it lead you.

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Life and Thoughts on It

by on Apr.29, 2009, under Life and Death, Thoughts

What is life? Life can be defined in many ways. The way it is defined depends on whom you ask to define it. For our purposes, we will look at a more spiritual definition, specifically a Christian view.

Since we are looking at what life is from a Christian point of view, we will simply define it as ‘A beautiful gift from God.’ Life is a gift that should never be wasted or squandered. Sadly, so many of do just that.

How do we so this? One way that we waste our life is by not making use of the gifts God has given us in our lives such as our unique combinations of talents. Some of the greatest talents we all have, and the ones we most neglect to use, are our capacity to love, to forgive and to show compassion. We were given these beautiful gifts for a reason, to help our fellow man. When we use these gifts to benefit others, it brings us closer to Him.

He was loving enough to not just give us these gifts, but when we struggled early on to learn how to use them, He sent His only Son to us.

Christ was sent to redeem us, lead us to salvation, and back to the Father. He showed us the way to the Father by teaching us how to use our gifts. He showed us not just by His words, but by His actions. He showed us how to live the way we were meant to live. He showed us how we should use the gifts we were given.

Life is something so precious because it is a gift. It is not a hollow gift either. It is a gift given out of love. Life is also a made up of many other gifts from God as we have seen.

The greatest gift though, is that of our immortal soul. This gift is so great because our bodies are only here for a short time, but our life does not end when our bodies die. Rather our lives truly begin then. When the body dies, it frees our soul to reunite with God, to return to its home, to its natural state and to bask in the light and grace of God for all eternity.

That is why life is a precious gift.

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What is Death?

by on Apr.02, 2009, under Life and Death, Thoughts

Note: This entry may contain severe triggers for some people. If you are severely depressed, having suicidal ideations or suicidal please do not read any further.

I sit here wondering, what is death, more specifically what death is.

There is of course the common idea and concept that it is the ending of life. But is that all death is or is it something much more Does death even really exist Is it an ending or a new beginning? Is it a doorway to something more? Does life end when the body ‘dies,’ is that really death?

Definitions of death that I was reading talked about the ‘end of life.’ However, is life only about this physical world? Most faiths tell us that the soul lives forever. If this is the case, and the soul is the higher being, so to speak, then does death really exist if we use the earlier definition? If the soul is our true being, our true nature, and it can never die then there is no real death, only the ending of our physical forms.

While the soul lives forever, does that mean that nothing can kill it? Or does it mean that if nothing kills it than it will live forever? If the soul can die, then what can kill it? Can years of pain, hurt and loss kill our souls? Does life end when our bodies expire?
If the soul lives beyond the ending our body’s existence, then death is the goal of life. We live to die. We live to die because it frees our souls of their prison. It lets them rejoin the ethereal realm, the realm of the spirits. In Christianity, we would think not of ‘spirits’ but being joined with God in heaven, or for the souls of those who were “evil” then being eternally punished in hell.
I am not afraid of death, in some ways I look forward to it. I do not plan to end my life by any means. I look forward to it as a way finally to find a final resolution to life, to finally achieve the goal of life.

Is the soul the same are thing as the spirit? If it is, then the soul can indeed die, our spirits can be crushed and destroyed. It is where I have been lately, my spirit destroyed and crushed. At times, I wonder if I can ever resurrect it. Lately I have been feeling a bit better, but far from my old self. I do not know what will happen, who I will be at the end of this fork in the road of life, but I know one thing, I will never be the same person again. Good or bad, I am forever changed. The Jason of last year is forever lost. I do not know if I will ever love again, if I will even try to find love or happiness. I do not know what strength will be there or if there is any left at all.

Like the dance with death says,

It is the balance of life. Death.

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We are Not Made to Hate

by on Feb.05, 2009, under Life and Death, Thoughts

 So often people will think it is easier to hate than to love. The truth is just the opposite. We are ‘built’ to love not to hate. Hating requires a conscious choice on our part, to love is natural and instinctual.

We do not need to be taught to love, but we do need to be taught to hate. Think about it, we are built in the image of God, God is the very definition of love – total and unconditional love, so how can it be in our nature to hate?

Sadly, society teaches us to hate those that are different. Society as a whole that has made hatred seems our nature; however, only a very small part of humans that cast this dark shadow on us all. When you are brought up around hate, you begin to believe it to be natural and emulate it.

The more we hate, the more our hearts and souls become corrupt. The more they begin to die. The good news is that not all is lost. It can be a long and hard road to rebirth but with faith in God, it can be done. With that faith you do not travel the road alone. He will be there with you. You may not always recognize Him but he is there. His angels may take the form of friends, lovers and total strangers, but they are there to guide and protect you.

I have had my angels over the years and have recognized a few of them.

To love we need only be ourselves. We need to share our gifts and blessings with the world, especially those less fortunate than ourselves.

The caveat is that we cannot do it out of fear of punishment or a desire to be rewarded, but to do it selflessly with the only goal of caring for others and expecting nothing in return.

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Questions, Questions and More Questions

by on Nov.26, 2008, under Life and Death, Thoughts

Have you ever noticed that every time we get an answer to one question, we find at least one more question because of the answer? Think of an easy example: why did not you get a good grade? Because I didn’t pay attention or study? Why not? I did not like the class. Why did you not like the class? And on and on and on.

That is part of life though. We are given these chances to learn and grow as people. Life is a maze or if you prefer a winding road with many forks. There are so many places we can go wrong, so many chances to make mistakes. So many wrong turns that can be made; however, there are at least as many chances to do right and good.

Every fork we come to we can choose our own path. No one else can choose it for us. Sometimes the choices are not easy, sometimes they are even a choice between two rights. Choosing between right and wrong is comparatively easy in comparison. Yet how many of us screw that one up?

How do we make the right choices? We have a few things to help us choose the right thing. First, we have our knowledge, the things we have learned from experience and studying. Secondly, we have family, friends, etc to look to for guidance. Finally, the best way to find the right answer is to turn to God. If we open our hearts, minds and souls to Him and listen, how can we go wrong? Oh, it will not always be easy, enjoyable or what we want, but the answer is there if we look to Him and accept what He tells us. Once we have the answer, it is up to us to choose to do the right or wrong thing. That is what free will is all about, the ability to choose between good and evil.

Remember life is a journey. The questions we find lead us to forks in our life. At the forks, we have a choice to make. The answers we accept to the questions shape our actions and determine which way we go in life.

When we choose to do, what is right it brings us closer to God, when we choose wrong it takes us further away. The good news is that no matter how far we may go down the wrong path, we can always be saved. God gives us many chances to choose right, it is not a onetime thing, and it is not a dead end road if we choose wrong, but it can be if we continue to do wrong.

That is another important thing about questions and answers, they often give us insights to ourselves, show us something about ourselves. The problem is, sometimes it is something we do not want to see or believe. These questions are one way God helps lead us back to the right path. He asks us these hard questions and gives us a chance to see where we are going wrong so that we can choose right and come home to him. He wants us to succeed, He wants us to do right and come home one day, but He gave us free will. That free will means we can embrace Him, do right, and be united one day with Him, or we can turn our backs on Him and be separated from Him forever. We succeed or fail based on our choices, but He is there always to help us, if we listen and let Him.

Not only does He give us these questions to help us though, he puts people in our lives to help us stay on course. People to lead us through hard times and people to lead us back to the right path when we stray.

These people help us by making us ask questions of ourselves and see whom we are. They remind us of the beauty of life and His love for us. In some cases, it is obvious; the person is one of great and open faith. They speak freely and devoutly of God and His love. In other cases, it is less obvious, unless you truly listen. These cases are shown to us through love for each other, strangers and through deeds. It can be a random act of kindness from a stranger or the support of a dear friend in hard times or a million other things. These things can lead us to questions about how we act, how we treat others, why we do what we do, etc.

How we answer the questions in life determines our path. That is why they are there. That is why we face the challenges we do, to guide us home and to help us learn and grow. They are there to help us, not hinder us.

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