The Mind of Jason

Archive for April, 2012


by on Apr.22, 2012, under Uncategorized

We are all flawed, we all make mistakes, we all fail at times, we are all imperfect. In addition, we all have some level of difficulty facing this and accepting it. Most of us if we were asked, “Are you perfect?” could easily answer this “No” and explain that no one is perfect etc. However, when we are confronted with a specific imperfection, a specific “flaw”, a mistake we made, a time when we failed or anything similar we often fight the notion that we made a mistake. It becomes much harder for us to admit that we are not perfect at these times, even if we are telling the person “I know I am not perfect”. Many times we add “but…” and some reasoning as to why it was not our fault, why we did not fail, why the mistake wasn’t ours or why we couldn’t avoid making it. Many times, we are in a state of denial.

Now, this does not happen to everyone, nor is every time we explain why we failed or why something was not our fault an act of denial. There are times when we are not to blame and the fault is not ours, when we are more a victim of circumstance. It is a very easy trap to fall into though, to blame others for your mistakes.

So, why do we sometimes fall into this trap? Well there are a couple possible reasons. The first one is that it is a lot more comforting to us to blame someone or something else for our mistakes. No one likes to make mistakes; no one likes to be wrong. Another reason is society. Society is set up in a very punitive way. If we make a mistake we get “punished” and let’s face it, no one likes to get punished. This fear of punishment leads to all kinds of problems. One of the biggest is the passing the blame of our shortcomings off on onto other people, the other big one is when we try to hide our mistakes and shortcomings. Both of these can happen because we do not want to get in trouble for being human.

When faced with these imperfections, it can have a tremendous impact on us. Normally this impact is a very negative one. Why? To me it is very clear and easy to see why it has such a bad impact on us. When someone tells us that we made a mistake it makes us worry. It makes us feel bad. No one likes to fail or let someone down and that is how we start to think when we are confronted with an imperfection in us or our actions. We start thinking that we failed, that we made the person unhappy, that they are disappointed ore embarrassed by us. That would be bad enough if that were the end of it, but this can quickly spiral out of control. We start expanding the one small imperfection and starts seeing it as it was not our actions or decisions that were the problem, but rather we start thinking that WE are the problem. We start thinking, if I made a mistake with this then obviously I am making other mistakes, I did not “fail” once, I am a failure. Then we start to think, if I am a failure obviously the person pointing out my mistake is not happy with me, if I am not making them happy then they cannot love me, if they do not love me they will leave me. We start believing that they are rejecting us because we made a mistake.

None of us likes to be rejected, as humans, we are by nature social animals, even those of us who prefer to be left alone, ultimately need to someone to accept us and love us. Therefore, when we start feeling rejected it hurts us a lot. The good news is that while these feelings sometimes occur when we are faced with our imperfections, they are normally not true. Often when someone points out our imperfections to us they are trying to help us improve; show us areas that have room for growth and improvement. Just because we make a mistake does not meant that they do not love us or that they are rejecting us.

Once shown an area that needs improvement, we can go about correcting it. Yes, many people try to correct these areas by using negative reinforcement aka punishments. They think that if someone gets in trouble and faces unpleasant consequences for a certain mistake that they will not make the same mistake again. This approach does work for some people, but not for everyone. A good number of people become angry and hurt. Punishing people for mistakes reinforces the idea of rejection and failure. Punishments can have an even greater affect on a person if the person suffers from depression, bi-polar disorder, anxiety or any of a host of psychological issues. Punishing a person can have disastrous consequences. Unfortunately, it is the norm in society to punish instead of finding positive ways to correct a problem. Using punitive measures only leads to people hiding mistakes and/or people doing the right thing for the wrong reason.

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Litany Against Fear

by on Apr.22, 2012, under Uncategorized

The following is a quote from Frank Herbert’s novel Dune:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

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War Wizard

by on Apr.18, 2012, under Personal Information

The more I read, the more I am convinced that I am a ‘war wizard.’ Now of course I don’t mean it in the same way as in the novels, but in a more symbolic way. War wizards are defined as, from Goodkind’s work, A wizard born with both sides of the gift (Additive and Subtractive) who uses their magic on instinct and need. Also war wizards use their anger or their most proficient emotion to access their power using the last wizard rule they can access their gift freely if they understand it . In earlier entries I have gone on in depth about the parallels between fictional ‘Additive Magic’ and ‘Subtractive Magic’ with real world counterparts, linking such things as love/forgiveness and compassion to Additive Magic and such things as anger/hatred and rage to Subtractive Magic. This is because Additive Magic creates from what is there already, while Subtractive Magic destroys what is there. Both of these things are something I ‘command’ and with great strength. I would like to think that my love is very strong, healing, comforting and strengthening. That it is something that in a way ‘creates.’ On the other hand, I know my rage and anger is very destructive. I have seen what it did in the past when I did not have control of it, when it controlled me. Anger in itself isn’t bad, it is how it manifests it self, why it does and if it is controlled or not. There is after all something called righteous rage. I definitely use my ‘gift’ on instinct and need while I call it forth with my love, in the past anger would have been that emotion, but now it is love. Even when my anger comes forth, it is no mostly when someone/something I love is threatened or mistreated. There are many things that I accomplish without understanding how, what or why I am doing it, I just know that it is what I need to do at that time. Sometimes if someone asks how I accomplished something, I sit there looking stupefied and just shake my head and say ‘I have no idea. I just knew what to do, when to do it and how to do it.’ I cannot even begin to count how many times there have been things that I have just ‘known’ were the right way to do something or when to do something. It might be why at times when someone asks a question or poses a problem that I give the answer so matter-of-factly as if it should be obvious to everyone. So, yeah I am a war wizard lol…

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Thoughts on Forgiveness

by on Apr.17, 2012, under Uncategorized

Well, as planned, it is time to write about forgiveness. The last few weeks I have been thinking about it a lot. I think a good part of that is because when I read “Temple of the Winds” over, the rule driving the story is Wizard’s Fourth Rule: “The Wizard’s Fourth Rule, he called it. He said that there was magic in sincere forgiveness, in the Fourth Rule. Magic to heal. In forgiveness you grant, and more so in the forgiveness you receive.”

Forgiveness is an interesting topic, it seems that people find it easy to give or are unable to do give it. Personally, it is very easy for me to forgive someone. Now, most people will say they forgive you, but in reality, they do not. The ‘forgiveness’ they give is often nothing more than lip service. True and sincere forgiveness comes from deep within your heart and soul.

There are a few reasons why we do not forgive people. At times we do not forgive them because we are too angry or hurt, we are not ready to let go, we want to hold it against the person. Usually this is because we cannot admit that the other person is human and can make a mistake.

At other times, we do not see a need to forgive the person, not because we hold a grudge, not because we are angry, not because we are too hurt, but because we do not see things through the other persons’ eyes, in these cases we only see our own point of view. We feel that there is no need to forgive the person because to us they did not do anything wrong, they did not hurt us or make us angry, but not everyone sees things the way we see things. We try to reassure the person that it is ok and that they did nothing wrong. Sometimes this puts the person at ease, other times it does not help at all.

When the problem is the second reason, hopefully in time something makes us see things through the other persons’ eyes. Sometimes it as simple as re-reading a book, such a thing can make a light come on inside, and we come to understand why the other person seeks forgiveness. We finally come to see how things might look to them and we realize the weight, regret, guilt, etc that the person has carried with them. Hopefully, we realize it sooner than later.

The funny thing, when we realize our own failure and mistake, all we can do is to forgive them and ask their forgiveness in return for being so blind and not looking through their eyes.

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We are Not Made to Hate

by on Apr.17, 2012, under Uncategorized

So often people will think it is easier to hate than to love. The truth is just the opposite. We are ‘built’ to love not to hate. Hating requires a conscious choice on our part, to love is natural and instinctual.

We do not need to be taught to love, but we do need to be taught to hate. Think about it, we are built in the image of God, God is the very definition of love – total and unconditional love, so how can it be in our nature to hate?

Sadly society teaches us to hate those that are different. It is society as a whole that has made hatred seem our nature. It is only a very small part of humans that cast this dark shadow on us all. When you are brought up around hate, you begin to believe it to be natural and emulate it.

The more we hate, the more our hearts and souls become corrupt. The more they begin to die. The good news is that all is not lost. It can be a long and hard road to rebirth but with faith in God it can be done. With that faith you do not travel the road alone. He will be there with you. You may not always recognize Him but he is there. His angels may take the form of friends, lovers and total strangers, but they are there to guide and protect you.
I have had my angels over the years and have recognized a few of them.
To love we need only be ourselves. We need to share our gifts and blessings with the world, especially those less fortunate than ourselves.
The caveat is that we cannot do it out of fear of punishment or a desire to be rewarded, but to do it selflessly with the only goal of caring for others and expecting nothing in return.

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