The Mind of Jason

Poetry

The Unliving (2008)

by on Sep.30, 2008, under Dark Poems, Poetry

Note: I wrote this back in 2008 when I was going through a very difficult time.

Death without death,
Life without life,
That is the unliving

Empty and hollow,
Of purpose, value and meaning
That is the unliving

A black void all encompassing,
Nothing but darkness to be seen
That is the unliving.

Not living in the shadows,
Being the shadows
That is the unliving.

Pain, suffering, hurt – not enemies to be defeated,
Rather lovers to be embraced – just to feel SOMETHING
That is the unliving

To drift through life,
A ghost unseen by any
That is the unliving

To scream at the top of your lungs
Into a tornado unheard
That is the unliving

No identity
No hope
No feeling
No existence
No value
No self-worth
Unseen
Unknown
Unheard
Undead
Unliving
An outcast
Unloved

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A Mess (2008)

by on Jul.15, 2008, under Dark Poems, Poetry

Note: I wrote this in July 2008, after a relationship I was in ended abruptly. When I look back these days, it bothers me that I ever let this person get to me like this. It was a relationship I never should have entered into and the only one I have ever had that I regret.

much less a mess would I be,
If my importance were shown to me,
As wonderful as words are
To be shown goes much more far.

It hurts that you show no regret,
No matter how much I hurt and fret.
I know on purpose you could not cause pain,
But accidental or planned hurt deep I am all the same.

So many tears have I shed
Many a time I wished to be dead
I am still such a mess
I can’t see it being less

If only you could see
That only you can help heal me
Your love and tenderness,
Alone can bring me out of this darkness

In your arms I need to cry
To help me get by
If only I could make you see
I need to see and feel love from thee

All I feel is disdain
And no concern for my pain
I know my words of late are dark,
But with such loss it is hard to be happy like a lark.

When to one I give all my soul and heart
It drives a knife into my heart when they depart.
Still there is much sorrow
I only hope it be less one tomorrow

Eyes fill with tears,
when come true ones worst fears.
At times it is too much to bear
Is it any wonder why in two my heart did tear?

my love is forever,
Taken away it will be never
Welcome and wanted in my arms you are
Today tomorrow and forever my beloved star

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Darkness, Darkness All Around (2008)

by on Jul.15, 2008, under Dark Poems, Poetry

Note: I wrote this in July 2008, after a relationship I was in ended abruptly. When I look back these days, it bothers me that I ever let this person get to me like this. It was a relationship I never should have entered into and the only one I have ever had that I regret.

Darkness, darkness all around,
No light to be found,
Nothing but an endless void,
No one to care, me they all avoid.

Each day more pain and sorrow,
I fear every tomorrow.
Nothing but a dark and lonely sea,
Not one to need me.

Further and further I slip,
Starting to want to embrace deaths grip.
Would any cry,
Were I to die?

This is I doubt,
For all from my life have slipped out.
Not one to want me in their life,
My life filled with nothing but strife.

Once I knew love,
From one more pure than a dove.
One who is a true treasure,
She always bought me so much pleasure

Now, night after night I cry,
Wondering if the answer is to die,
Why oh why am I avoided by she,
When only her love and tenderness can save me.

Pain and sorrow,
Sure to double tomorrow,
My heart, my soul forever lost,
When I was tossed.

She is my treasure,
Today, tomorrow and forever.
But to her I am nothing,
If only I was something.

Now each day,
All I do is wither away,
Lost now is my heart,
Ended all to early was my part.

Even more beautiful would be our dance
If only had I once again a chance
Always did she make me so very proud,
I want to sing it out so loud.

Now have I nothing,
More than suffering.
In eternal darkness I now despair,
Why should I even care.

No longer is there a want for me in her loving heart,
A want that had been there from the start.
Once to her I was important,
Now at best that importance is dornmant

Darkness, darkness all around,
No light to be found,
What joy can there be,
Without her wanting, needing and loving me.

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Untitled (2008)

by on Jul.15, 2008, under Dark Poems, Poetry

Note: I wrote this in July 2008, after a relationship I was in ended abruptly. When I look back these days, it bothers me that I ever let this person get to me like this. It was a relationship I never should have entered into and the only one I have ever had that I regret.

so much pain,
every waking moment filled with rain.
Only so heavy a load can one heart bear,
before first a tear will appear

Way beyond that point am I,
leaving me to ask why oh why
the pain of my heart none seem to hear
when long ago first did the tear appear,
every night when I goto bed,

another river of tears is shed
each and every tomorrow,
there is nothing but more sorrow.everyone tells me that in time,
I will once again be fine,
how though can that be,
when to her I gave all of me

entrusted with my heart was she,
heart and she are now both lost to me.

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Death (2008)

by on Jul.14, 2008, under Dark Poems, Poetry

Note:I wrote this back in 2008 when I was going through a very difficult time.

Death,
So warm,
So inviting,
So promising,
So appealing,

Death,
An answer to all worries,
An end to all pain,
A termination of hurt,
The end of all sorrow.

Death

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Can’t Get You Out of My Heart (2008)

by on Jul.13, 2008, under Dark Poems, Poetry

Note: I wrote this in July 2008, after a relationship I was in ended abruptly. When I look back these days, it bothers me that I ever let this person get to me like this. It was a relationship I never should have entered into and the only one I have ever had that I regret.

I try each day,
I try to let go,
I try to find my smile,
I try to be happy again.

I can’t get you,
out of my heart,
I can’t get you,
out of my heart

Each day that goes by,
My heart tears even more,
Each day that goes by,
I die more inside

I can’t get you,
out of my heart,
I can’t get you,
out of my heart

I look inside,
nothing is all I see,
I close my eyes,
all I see is you
Every sound I hear,
reminds me of you.

I can’t get you,
out of my heart,
I can’t get you,
out of my heart

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Waiting (2008)

by on Jul.13, 2008, under Dark Poems, Poetry

Note: I wrote this in July 2008, after a relationship I was in ended abruptly. When I look back these days, it bothers me that I ever let this person get to me like this. It was a relationship I never should have entered into and the only one I have ever had that I regret.

Day after day,
I sit waiting,
hoping today will be the day,
the day that your eyes are opened once more,
open to the beauty we shared,
open to the pain that has replaced it.

Day after day,
I sit waiting, hoping
that your heart will open once more to me,
that you will remember how much love,
I have always had for you,
how you made me smile,
how you made me laugh,
how you made me so happy

Day after day,
I sit waiting, watching,
hoping to see that one name ,
that one blessed name light up on my gmail
that one that was just for me,
that name that was for me and for me alone
the one that made me so proud to see,
proud because it was the one I gave you.

Day after day,
I sit waiting, praying
for your love,
for you to want me once more,
for you to need me once more,
for you to come home where you belong.

Day after day,
I sit crying,
because that day hasn’t come,
fearing it never will,
that I will cry an ocean of oceans before I die,

Day after day,
I sit hurting, dying inside,
because that empty spot inside grows larger,
the dagger goes deeper,
the pain grows more and more,
with each passing day you are away from home.

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Trapped (2008)

by on Apr.28, 2008, under Dark Poems, Poetry

Note: I wrote this back in 2008 when I was going through a very difficult time.

do you know whats its like
to be trapped alone,
in ones own mind
surrounded by dark
only darkness
only misery
only emptiness
hurting so much
that you dont even care enough
to want to do anything about it.

so bad that you don’t have enough desire
to even get up to make food
only getting up to do it
when you absolutely must
when you finally do get up
feeling like your legs
will give out on you
only doing basic things
purely mechanically

just a void
just numb
wondering what is the point
wanting to curl up
hide from life
from the world
from everything
from yourself

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