The Mind of Jason

Wizard’s Third Rule
Chapter 43, Page #360 US Hard Cover
“Passion rules reason.”

Wizard’s Sixth Rule
Chapter 41, Page #319 US Hard Cover
“The most important rule there is, the Wizard’s Sixth Rule: the only sovereign you can allow to rule you is reason.”

Well these two go together. First, we are saying that passion rules reason, then we say that we can only let reason rule us. What it boils down to is that often our passions our emotions take control of us, but that in the end we have to resist that and think clearly and make decision based on logic and reason. This is especially true for the most important decisions in our lives. When we make decisions based on emotions and feelings, we a lot of times we make poor choices.

There are of course times we can get away with and maybe even should make decisions based on our feelings, but they are few and far between at best. Decisions and actions made and taken because of passions so often cause hurt and heartache. When we are talking about things done during anger the pain is instant. One or both parties suffer from the pure rage, things are said and done that are later regretted, and once something is said it can never be unsaid. It can never be unheard. Those words haunt us for a long time, they can haunt us the rest of our lives. Every time we hear those words in our hearts it reopens the wound. When we make decisions based on intense positive feelings and only based on them, we risk hurt when the feelings come back to a more baseline state.

This does not mean we should ignore our feelings, just that we need to be mindful of them and think things through to make sure we aren’t making decisions just on passion. Passion is a great thing, but it can also be a very dangerous thing. At times it is very hard for a person to be mindful of their feelings. There are times when our mind works against us, when we can’t see past our emotions because our minds tell us something that isn’t real is real, or they tell us that something that may be real is a lot more intense that it is in reality.

We can so often be our own worst enemies. It can be very hard to be mindful of our feelings, but it is something we need to do.

Wizard’s Eighth Rule
Chapter 61 Page # 626 US Hard Cover
“Talga Vassternich. Deserve Victory.”

OK, this is something I need to remember for myself. I need to remember that I do deserve victory in every aspect of my life. I need to remember that not everything that goes wrong is my fault and that just because something falls apart it does not mean that it is my failure and that others can fail too. It does not mean that I am never at fault, just that I am not ALWAYS at fault.

I need to remember that I am just as deserving of happiness and of being loved as anyone else. It really is funny, I often remind everyone else of these things. I try to show them that they deserve these things and that their mistakes do not make them failures and that it does not mean they are not worthy. I try to help them realize their own self-worth in one or more areas of their life when they lack it. I try to help them realize how much they have to offer others; however, when it comes to me, I deny the validity of these things and see myself as unworthy. How can I expect anyone else to believe these things if I don’t show them that I believe them myself? Does it no take away from my message,  if I do not live them?

I took this back in November 2008.

I like to take some of these “silly” quizzes you find online. This one is which Archangel are you? After answering the questions this is what mine came back as:

You are Michael, Archangel of the South. You are the only angel identified as an archangel in the New Testament Bible, the strong and brave leader of all other archangels. In the Christian faith, you are best known for wielding a sword and conquering the serpent during the battle in Heaven (Revelation 12:7-12); in the Jewish faith, you are best known as the patron of Israel. Courageous, authoritative, and fearless, you are passionate about protecting others and helping them overcome temptation. Those who seek constant vigilance and encouragement to follow laws look to you as their patron. You share an archangel feast day with Gabriel and Raphael on September 29.

I have been trying to order one tablet on my account since May 24th. I just got off the phone with the fourth different person today and sixth overall.

I tried online first but it did not go through so I called. The person I talked to said they were going to charge it to my credit card. At some point the order wound up getting cancelled but no one notified me. So I called back a few days later, that is when I found out the order was cancelled. So the guy I talked to said they put the order through again and were going to bill it to my account. I called today to see where the order since I had not seen it yet and it was more than four business days only to find out that order got cancelled – again.

That brings me to today’s journey. It started out with me fighting with the automated system to get a human being. Then I talked to the a person from customer service. They told me I needed to talk to sales. So, I repeated my story to sales. Sales told me that they couldn’t bill my account, but that they would transfer me to customer loyalty because only they could help me. So, once again I repeat the story to customer loyalty. Customer loyalty tells me I need to talk to a supervisor in sales, which I had asked to speak to before they transferred me to customer loyalty. The customer service representative told me the supervisor couldn’t help me. When I got to the supervisor, I once again repeated how pissed off I was and repeated my story once again. The supervisor couldn’t do anything to help or explain why my orders kept getting cancelled.

All this after being with the company for at least five years and my father being with them since the 1990s. He was with them when it was still Voicestream.

I just hung with them after 51 minutes and got nothing out of it but being pissed off and a fight with my wife.

Avoid T-Mobile.

so today I was wondering…

1. When performing an exorcism is it required that it be conducted in Latin or can it be done in the local language? how important is pronunciation if it is done in Latin?
2. Is it necessary for the person performing the exorcism to believe in God or can any bozo do it as long as they read it right? (thinking of Dean from supernatural. He has expressed his dislike for and lack of belief in angels and God on more than one occasion, yet he can still successfully perform one)
3. Do you need to have faith that the exorcism will actually work?
4. Does the faith the demon is associated with have to match up with the faith of the exorcism/exorcist? (e.g. If the demon is from Zoroastrianism and you try to use a Christian exorcism, will it work?)
5. Have I finally lost the plot?

So much truth in this as well. While in the novels, Richard was referring to The Sword of Truth it can be true in many other ways. What is a blade? A blade is something that cuts. The sharper the cut, the truer the cut, the cleaner the cut. If a blade is something that cuts, it does not need to be made just of steel, it can be anything.

Our minds, our thoughts can be blades, but even more, the TRUTH is the sharpest blade. When we see and embrace the truth, we can cut through anything. Any pain, any failures, any hurt, any lies and deception. The truth can cut through these things with ease. The problem is that these things can cut both ways. They can cut through the lies of friends and enemies, but also through our own lies. Through the lies we tell ourselves. The things we tell ourselves because we want to believe them.

Wizards 1st Rule:
People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it’s true, or because they are afraid it might be true.

It is this last part that is relative. We make ourselves believe what we want to be true or what we are afraid will be true. The blade of truth cuts through these lies and exposes the fallacies, when those lies are laid bare before us, we can be sent into a tailspin. We risk being overcome with fear, seeing the lies we surround ourselves with can shake us to our very depths. We need to accept the truth though. The truth is just that the truth, no amount of trying to deny it will change it, it will not go away.

We have to live with the truth, not with our fantasies and lies. Only through acceptance of the truth can we find our strength, our power, our happiness. When we do accept it, we free ourselves from the deception around us, especially when it is caused by ourselves. We enable ourselves to grow and learn.

So as you can see, the truth itself is the sharpest of all blades. It can cut through anything. It can survive anything especially when we have love, forgiveness and compassion as our weapons as well. The truth cuts away the lies and exposes them. Love, forgiveness and compassion help us overcome the pains and heal. They help us work past the lies we tell ourselves and embrace the truth, even when it is painful.

Our minds and thoughts are blades as well, they help us cut through hard problems and conundrums. They help us find the answers we need, they help us find the truth. They help us solve these things. Once we solve the problems we can face the truth, we can let the truth cut away everything else that binds us to our pain.

Blade, be true this day.

We are all flawed, we all make mistakes, we all fail at times, we are all imperfect. In addition, we all have some level of difficulty facing this and accepting it. Most of us if we were asked, “Are you perfect?” could easily answer this “No” and explain that no one is perfect etc. However, when we are confronted with a specific imperfection, a specific “flaw”, a mistake we made, a time when we failed or anything similar we often fight the notion that we made a mistake. It becomes much harder for us to admit that we are not perfect at these times, even if we are telling the person “I know I am not perfect”. Many times we add “but…” and some reasoning as to why it was not our fault, why we did not fail, why the mistake wasn’t ours or why we couldn’t avoid making it. Many times, we are in a state of denial.

Now, this does not happen to everyone, nor is every time we explain why we failed or why something was not our fault an act of denial. There are times when we are not to blame and the fault is not ours, when we are more a victim of circumstance. It is a very easy trap to fall into though, to blame others for your mistakes.

So, why do we sometimes fall into this trap? Well there are a couple possible reasons. The first one is that it is a lot more comforting to us to blame someone or something else for our mistakes. No one likes to make mistakes; no one likes to be wrong. Another reason is society. Society is set up in a very punitive way. If we make a mistake we get “punished” and let’s face it, no one likes to get punished. This fear of punishment leads to all kinds of problems. One of the biggest is the passing the blame of our shortcomings off on onto other people, the other big one is when we try to hide our mistakes and shortcomings. Both of these can happen because we do not want to get in trouble for being human.

When faced with these imperfections, it can have a tremendous impact on us. Normally this impact is a very negative one. Why? To me it is very clear and easy to see why it has such a bad impact on us. When someone tells us that we made a mistake it makes us worry. It makes us feel bad. No one likes to fail or let someone down and that is how we start to think when we are confronted with an imperfection in us or our actions. We start thinking that we failed, that we made the person unhappy, that they are disappointed ore embarrassed by us. That would be bad enough if that were the end of it, but this can quickly spiral out of control. We start expanding the one small imperfection and starts seeing it as it was not our actions or decisions that were the problem, but rather we start thinking that WE are the problem. We start thinking, if I made a mistake with this then obviously I am making other mistakes, I did not “fail” once, I am a failure. Then we start to think, if I am a failure obviously the person pointing out my mistake is not happy with me, if I am not making them happy then they cannot love me, if they do not love me they will leave me. We start believing that they are rejecting us because we made a mistake.

None of us likes to be rejected, as humans, we are by nature social animals, even those of us who prefer to be left alone, ultimately need to someone to accept us and love us. Therefore, when we start feeling rejected it hurts us a lot. The good news is that while these feelings sometimes occur when we are faced with our imperfections, they are normally not true. Often when someone points out our imperfections to us they are trying to help us improve; show us areas that have room for growth and improvement. Just because we make a mistake does not meant that they do not love us or that they are rejecting us.

Once shown an area that needs improvement, we can go about correcting it. Yes, many people try to correct these areas by using negative reinforcement aka punishments. They think that if someone gets in trouble and faces unpleasant consequences for a certain mistake that they will not make the same mistake again. This approach does work for some people, but not for everyone. A good number of people become angry and hurt. Punishing people for mistakes reinforces the idea of rejection and failure. Punishments can have an even greater affect on a person if the person suffers from depression, bi-polar disorder, anxiety or any of a host of psychological issues. Punishing a person can have disastrous consequences. Unfortunately, it is the norm in society to punish instead of finding positive ways to correct a problem. Using punitive measures only leads to people hiding mistakes and/or people doing the right thing for the wrong reason.

The following is a quote from Frank Herbert’s novel Dune:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

The more I read, the more I am convinced that I am a ‘war wizard.’ Now of course I don’t mean it in the same way as in the novels, but in a more symbolic way. War wizards are defined as, from Goodkind’s work, A wizard born with both sides of the gift (Additive and Subtractive) who uses their magic on instinct and need. Also war wizards use their anger or their most proficient emotion to access their power using the last wizard rule they can access their gift freely if they understand it . In earlier entries I have gone on in depth about the parallels between fictional ‘Additive Magic’ and ‘Subtractive Magic’ with real world counterparts, linking such things as love/forgiveness and compassion to Additive Magic and such things as anger/hatred and rage to Subtractive Magic. This is because Additive Magic creates from what is there already, while Subtractive Magic destroys what is there. Both of these things are something I ‘command’ and with great strength. I would like to think that my love is very strong, healing, comforting and strengthening. That it is something that in a way ‘creates.’ On the other hand, I know my rage and anger is very destructive. I have seen what it did in the past when I did not have control of it, when it controlled me. Anger in itself isn’t bad, it is how it manifests it self, why it does and if it is controlled or not. There is after all something called righteous rage. I definitely use my ‘gift’ on instinct and need while I call it forth with my love, in the past anger would have been that emotion, but now it is love. Even when my anger comes forth, it is no mostly when someone/something I love is threatened or mistreated. There are many things that I accomplish without understanding how, what or why I am doing it, I just know that it is what I need to do at that time. Sometimes if someone asks how I accomplished something, I sit there looking stupefied and just shake my head and say ‘I have no idea. I just knew what to do, when to do it and how to do it.’ I cannot even begin to count how many times there have been things that I have just ‘known’ were the right way to do something or when to do something. It might be why at times when someone asks a question or poses a problem that I give the answer so matter-of-factly as if it should be obvious to everyone. So, yeah I am a war wizard lol…

Well, as planned, it is time to write about forgiveness. The last few weeks I have been thinking about it a lot. I think a good part of that is because when I read “Temple of the Winds” over, the rule driving the story is Wizard’s Fourth Rule: “The Wizard’s Fourth Rule, he called it. He said that there was magic in sincere forgiveness, in the Fourth Rule. Magic to heal. In forgiveness you grant, and more so in the forgiveness you receive.”

Forgiveness is an interesting topic, it seems that people find it easy to give or are unable to do give it. Personally, it is very easy for me to forgive someone. Now, most people will say they forgive you, but in reality, they do not. The ‘forgiveness’ they give is often nothing more than lip service. True and sincere forgiveness comes from deep within your heart and soul.

There are a few reasons why we do not forgive people. At times we do not forgive them because we are too angry or hurt, we are not ready to let go, we want to hold it against the person. Usually this is because we cannot admit that the other person is human and can make a mistake.

At other times, we do not see a need to forgive the person, not because we hold a grudge, not because we are angry, not because we are too hurt, but because we do not see things through the other persons’ eyes, in these cases we only see our own point of view. We feel that there is no need to forgive the person because to us they did not do anything wrong, they did not hurt us or make us angry, but not everyone sees things the way we see things. We try to reassure the person that it is ok and that they did nothing wrong. Sometimes this puts the person at ease, other times it does not help at all.

When the problem is the second reason, hopefully in time something makes us see things through the other persons’ eyes. Sometimes it as simple as re-reading a book, such a thing can make a light come on inside, and we come to understand why the other person seeks forgiveness. We finally come to see how things might look to them and we realize the weight, regret, guilt, etc that the person has carried with them. Hopefully, we realize it sooner than later.

The funny thing, when we realize our own failure and mistake, all we can do is to forgive them and ask their forgiveness in return for being so blind and not looking through their eyes.